Just for Laugh

Thảo luận trong 'Giao lưu Ngoại Ngữ' bắt đầu bởi Hank Williams, 17/12/04.

  1. yudiat2505

    yudiat2505 The Warrior of Light GVN Veteran

    Tham gia ngày:
    15/5/05
    Bài viết:
    2,402
    Nơi ở:
    Oxnard
    nope.. it's an American TV show and it's on its sixth season this summer
     
  2. ThucNhi

    ThucNhi Youtube Master Race

    Tham gia ngày:
    30/1/06
    Bài viết:
    76
    Nơi ở:
    GMS- Scania
    i'm not sure if this was posted already ..anyway..here they are

    Wife: Honey..... What are You Looking for ?
    Husband : Nothing.
    Wife : Nothing...?? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an
    hour ??
    Husband : I was just looking for the expiration date.

    **********

    Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
    A - One Woman Brings you into this world crying... & the other ensures
    you continue to do so.

    **********

    Wife : Do you want dinner?
    Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
    Wife : Yes and no.

    **********

    Wife: You always carry my photo in your briefcase to the office. Why?
    Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at
    your picture and the problem disappears.
    Wife: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
    Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem
    can there be greater than this one?"

    **********

    Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles
    and lighten your burden.
    Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
    troubles.
    Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

    **********


    Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
    give up my seat to a lady.
    Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
    Son: But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

    **********

    A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my
    father hadn't left me a fortune?"
    "Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO
    LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

    **********

    Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a
    millionaire?"
    Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
    Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you
    married her?"
    Millionaire: " A Billionaire"

    **********

    Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
    The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.

    **********

    A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me my pretty face or
    my sexy body?"
    He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of
    humor."
    .
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    .
    Funny, Worth Reading ...

    Ever speak and wish that you could take the words back...or that you could >crawl into a hole? > > >Here are a few stories of people who did and do...

    > >1) How much for: >I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and >asked >loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned >around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a >word -- he knew better.

    > >2) I think I like... >I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was >unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several >minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who work at >the store. >He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, >"I think I like playing with men's balls."

    > >3) Nuts about You... >My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety >of nuts. >As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if >we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My >sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned >beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

    > >4) I saw Mommy kissing... >While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some >pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after >receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her >that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my >horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, >"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you >kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" >The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the >tellers stopped what they were doing. >I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank >with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed >behind me were screams of laughter.

    > >5) What kind do you want? >A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up >to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. >Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed >out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER >SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store >apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a >businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom: "DO YOU WANT THE >KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"

    > >6) For the last time... >Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My >three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on >him constantly. >One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. > >It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I >smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter >and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in >a while, >so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." >I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have >any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an >accident?" "No," he replied. >I just KNEW that he must have had an accident because the smell was getting >worse. Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" >This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his >cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly >choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and >sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best >laugh they'd ever had!

    > >7) About last night... >This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for two days and a very >embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before >she speaks. >What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true story: > >We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have >snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's >that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave >the set, but half the crew did too, they were laughing so hard!
    .
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    .
    MARRIAGE

    1. Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence (a life sentence).
    2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
    3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her masters.
    4. Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffer ring.
    5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOR listens.
    6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
    You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.
    7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
    8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
    9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
    Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
    10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her.
    Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!
    11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
    12. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.
    13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
    14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.
    15. Confucius says: man who sinks into woman's arm soon have arms in woman's sink.
    16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
    17. Eighty percent of married man cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.
    18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
    19. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
    20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.
    21. I married Miss right, I just didn't know her first name was Always.
    22. It's not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.
    23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
    24. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT ALL-MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE. WHAT HAPPENED, asked his friend. He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT.
    25. WIFE: Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
    HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lights on.
    26. At a cocktail party, one man said to another: AREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I